So you can imagine, having liked Rob Lowe for over 30 years, when I saw his bare chest on the cover of Vanity Fair and read the excerpt from his new memoir I was ecstatic for two reasons. One, the excerpt in Vanity Fair was about “The Outsiders,” an iconic movie from my childhood. Two, I would get to know the answers to some of the burning questions I had always had about him and maybe even find out a few more interesting tidbits. Unfortunately, what I got instead was a big disappointment.

You see, while I thought that the chapter about The Outsiders was the best chapter in the entire book, I wanted the rest of the book to be like that and follow suit. However, every subsequent chapter fell kind of short. The coincidence about 9/11 was intriguing but there could have been more depth. And although I wasn’t a fan of the West Wing while it was on, I would have appreciated a little deeper insight as to why he was ostracized by the producers. Even more so, I would have liked for him to bleed a little on the page about how it hurt his feelings, rather than take the high road or dismiss it as we often do with things with which we have come to terms.

Perhaps my biggest surprise was this past week I read that he was asked to write a second follow up book on love, sex, and  marriage. The only thing that would make me buy that book is if he gives more than a couple of paragraphs of how he ruined his career when he was charged for statutory rape because he met two girls in a bar whom he thought were of age. His most recent memoir only told about his excuse of why he slept with them both. It didn’t go into any details about how it literally ruined his career.

In fact, that was the problem with the whole book. He certainly has led a privileged life in that he has had some incredible experiences and has interacted with the most famous of people from actors to politicians. Sure his mother suffered from bipolar disorder and his dad left them when he was a kid, but that’s nothing short of what a quarter of America has gone through – no revelations here. Also, in every memoir class I ever attended, they always say, “bleed on the page, bare your soul” and I felt that the majority of this book under-delivered and underwhelmed me in that regard.

So what did you think? Did you read it? Love it? Hate it? Thought it was a bit drab?

Here are some fun facts about the Memorial:

1. The four faces are George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt.
2. The faces carved on the side of the mountain are visible for up to 60 miles away.
3. The sculpture was designed by Gutzon Borglum who died before it was completed and it was completed by his son, Lincoln in 1941.
4. The memorial took 14 years to complete, with carving commencing in 1927.
5. It is visited by more than 20,000 tourists each summer.
6. Each President’s head is 60 feet high.
7. The entire memorial is 1,278 acres.
8. The president’s noses are 20 feet long, their mouths 18 feet wide, and their eyes are 11 feet across!
9. Over 800 million pounds of stone was removed from the mountain during contruction
10. Rushmore’s granite faces tower over 5,500 feet above sea level.
11. Over 90% of Mount Rushmore was carved by using dynamite.
12. Originally the head of Jefferson was started on Washington’s right side (on left if facing memorial), but after 18 months of carving the face had to be dynamited off the mountain and started over on the left of Washington.

I am a woman who breathes and sleeps easier knowing that teenage girls and women of poverty are not getting back alley abortions with a wire hanger somewhere because they made a mistake. I am a woman who is thrilled that teenagers who are not taught about safe sex in schools or by their parents, have a choice not to raise babies as they are babies themselves.  Giving women of poor circumstance a choice and opportunity to break the cycle of poor judgment is what makes me proud to be an American.

The Mississippi Yes on 26 makes my body convulse because I find the stance on Yes 26 hypocritical. For the past 38 years Republicans have been fighting to overturn Roe v. Wade and yet 80% of them support the death penalty. Since when is one life worth more than another? And in instances of rape or incest the state of Mississippi and proponents of Yes on 26 expect a woman to bare a child that was conceived against her free will? What kind of country are we living in? Last I checked the United States of America is the land of freedom and opportunity. The land in which others seek to live because of those freedoms. Those freedoms extend to: how I wear my hair, allow me to wear makeup and allow me to wear dresses and express my femininity. Freedoms that other countries do not have and which women have sacrificed their lives over.

The reason Roe v. Wade was passed in 1973 is because without it, women would be getting back alley abortions and losing their lives from infection or lose their ability to procreate entirely. Also, Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Supreme Court based on the Fourteenth Amendment citing due process. To be clear,the Fourteenth Amendment states in section 1:

“Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws”

The law being proposed in Mississippi states that a human life will be defined as “from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof.” From the moment of fertilization? So that means from the moment of rape or the moment of incest or the moment the condom breaks.  And how far will the interpretation of what is exactly covered under “the functional equivalent thereof”?

The state of Mississippi is not being realistic. If this law passes, what’s next? Stripping a woman of her dignity, her right to vote, her ability to think for herself. Do you think we’d be having this conversation if men bared babies? Probably not. If Mississippi and pro-lifers would just accept that fact that there are certain things that just fundamentally don’t work in this country then we could all get on with our own business and tackle some real problems.  Prohibition failed, banning tobacco failed and banning abortion will fail.

The day Roe v. Wade gets overturned by the Supreme Court will be the day that American women should think about fleeing to Canada where their lives will be valued and the United States of America will start to fall as a world leader.

1. When your dentist has bad breath – it’s not like you can tell him/her while they are inside examining your mouth.
2. When you are confronted with a “hugger” – it’s not like you can say, “oh, I don’t hug.” or “I’m sorry, but I’ve got a moratorium on hugging right now”
3. When you are in a meeting and someone silently farts – it’s not like you can announce to the whole meeting, “Did someone just lay a stinker?” or “Whoa, something smells, do you smell that?”
4. When your feet are in those stirrups just before an exam and you pass some gas and your O.B. walks in right after  - it’s not like they don’t know you just farted so is it better to just ‘fess up?
5. When you are talking about someone who you think can’t hear you because they have their ear buds in their ears, but their music or phone is actually off and then they comment back on your dialogue. Oops.

Next thing you know it’s my turn and as I put my card in I can feel someone kind of over my right shoulder. It felt a little too close for comfort. At first I continued with my transaction, English or Spanish: English, Checking or Savings: Checking,  but as I was about to type in my pin, I turned around to find a woman practically up my ass. I thought by turning around she would back up some, but she didn’t budge. So I turned to her and said, “Would you mind please backing up a bit and giving me a little space?” and she replied emphatically and winced, “Oh whatever, I don’t care about your stupid fucking pin just hurry the hell up already.” I’m not sure what was the reason for the ‘tude, but I raised my voice back and said, “I don’t care if you care about my pin. Back the hell up and give me my space!”

She backed up a couple of steps. Meanwhile there was a line of about 10 people deep now, all staring at us, secretly hoping a cat fight would break out I am sure. When I finished she mumbled something else and I just walked a way. But that got me to thinking that the same thing happens to me in Trader Joe’s and the local supermarket all the time.  You put your stuff up on the conveyor belt and you move forward to the machine to swipe your card to pay and suddenly the person behind you considers it an invitation to move into your personal space.

Ironically, there was an article in Real Simple this month asking Miss Manners what to do when someone is right on top of you while you are at an ATM. She suggested to jump back and act startled and that hopefully the person behind you would take the hint. Why are we so “considerate” to people that are inconsiderate? Personally, I don’t think some people can take subtle hints that they are in your space because they are completely unaware of it or they don’t give a shit. So, my philosophy is to deal with them straight on and go, “Hey, would you mind giving me some room here?”

Does that ever happen to you? Do you have a better tactic to deal with these inconsiderate people who live in their own bubble and only care about themselves? I’d love to hear it!

I worry and wonder if you’ll discover the flavors of the world given you are such a picky eater now. Because your parents are not world travelers, I wonder if it’ll take you as long as it took me to discover that fruit can be delicious year round and that the heirloom tomato is far superior to Jersey tomatoes. I wonder if you will continue to despise everything green as you get older and worry you’ll miss out on green delicacies like California avocados and Japanese edamame.

When I was your age I did not spend a lot of time in the kitchen. As I got older and started living on my own, I wished I had paid more attention to how my mother made her meatballs or how my grandmother made apple pie and a crust from scratch.  I do still have both of their recipe boxes filled with recipes where some are handwritten, some typed, and some where it’s just the ingredients and I’m left blindly to figure it out on my own. Oh, if only the internet had been around fifty years ago.

They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and I did learn a few staples over the years from my mother that have paved my way to many of men’s hearts. I know how to make spaghetti sauce from scratch, but even if I measured everything exact, it still never quite tasted like my mother’s “gravy.” I’d give you the recipe but I recently learned that you don’t even like pasta! My ears almost fell off of my head when I heard. How can you be 50% Italian and not like pasta? I started to think that there was a switch at the hospital but then I recalled that the other 50% of you is Irish, from your mother, who ironically happens to also not like pasta with red sauce. Mamma mia!

You’re a beautiful mixture of Irish and Italian, yet your taste buds are 100% American and were bred on chicken nuggets and French fries. So, it’s no wonder that I fret that you will not discover how delicious fresh beets can actually taste if made in a salad with a lemon-olive oil dressing where the beets are not pickled. I worry that you won’t discover that as gross as Brussels sprouts tasted when our parents made them, that they can actually be deliciously sweet and a great addition to pork if sautéed with caramelized shallots.

I wonder that if I and your mother are not around and you have a cooking question, who you will call. Will you consult the internet? Will you know that you need to take the plastic bag out of the neck of the turkey or else you’ll kill your guests? Will you know that you need to shell the fava beans then blanch and remove the second skin otherwise your bowels will not be happy? Will you know that your meat needs to rest after you cook it to seal in the juices? I actually didn’t learn that about meat until I was forty as I had given up meat because of your grandmother’s leather like pork chops.

I am sure that you’ll probably know how to bake because you have a sweet tooth much like your Aunt. I hope that you will find a friend to bake holiday cookies with, a tradition my best friend and I had when we lived close by one another. Although you never met your great grandmother Laquintano, I know you will not give out her family pizzelle recipe and will learn to choose wisely as to who to make pizzelles for since they are so time consuming and a true labor of love.

I can only hope that you will try things more than once when tasting food. As I’ve learned that much like subjects in school that depend on the teacher, food depends on the chef. I did not care for pork for years and I only knew of pork chops on the bone until someone showed me how delicious pork tenderloin could be, especially one with a maple glaze. I’ve also learned that food can take many forms and taste different depending on the preparation. Know that your taste buds change every seven years and those things you didn’t like before, you may learn to love as you get older and it’s totally okay.

I also pray and hope that corporate America has not rid us of the farmers when you get older and that you support your local farmer’s market when possible. It’s a magical place. One where you’ll discover vegetables and fruits you had never tried or even seen before and also where you’ll find that there are a dozen different types of peaches and apples. It’s the place where when you go home and cook up what you just bought, you’ll discover how delicious fresh food tastes over processed packaged food at the supermarket and secretly wish the Farmer’s market was open every day.

I hope that you learn that food is both your friend and your enemy. You never feel good when you over indulge and everything in moderation is a reward in and of itself, including chocolate. I hope you know that it is not okay to eat a gallon of ice cream – ever, even if a guy breaks your heart. My broken heart led me to San Francisco where I not only met your Uncle but also discovered a culinary experience far beyond my wildest dreams. I discovered the earthiness of fresh truffles, the decadence of pate and caviar, the sensuality of sushi, the creamy taste of avocados, the sweetness of figs and that dates really are nature’s candy, and the bursting mouth watering flavor of Heirloom tomatoes. I discovered that there really is bad wine and there are some fantastic wines. I learned that some wine is not for sipping but for imbibing with a meal and they will complement each other like a necklace to a dress.

I hope that you understand that if you are lucky enough to be cooked for that you should be grateful. Since every meal when home cooked, is always a labor of love  and even if it doesn’t taste great, you should always remember to say thank you to the chef.

I hope you get the opportunity as I have to eat your way through Italy, Spain and France. These are the things I hope you don’t miss out on and that you discover for yourself and the sake of your palate.

With love,

My father is classic old school Italian. He carries a pair of brass knuckles in his pocket to this day and he’s never used them. He makes me laugh. I reflected and remembered the best advice my father ever gave me and came up with two pieces. The first was in sixth grade when I was going to fight a girl after school and before I left for school that day he said, “Remember, whatever you do, throw the first punch and go right for the nose!” I have to say that it paid off and despite the turmoil, she and I are now friends on Facebook!

The second piece of advice my father ever gave me and anyone else who would express their opinion that he didn’t agree with was, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.” What can I say, except that he was right again! And now, a word from my network of friends via Twitter, Facebook, and A Band of Wives, here are some of the best pieces of advice Dad ever gave:

(in no particular order)

1. Go to school and earn a degree so you’ll never have to work in a factory like me. (@HeiddiZ)
2. I remember my dad always telling me, when something bad was going on, that, “this too shall come to pass.” from the Bible. (@bubbri)
3. To rise above anything that is put in my path (@LuvMiAzIAm)
4. Don’t let the a$$holes get you down. (Carol L via Facebook)
5. If you work hard, do your best always and never give up people will recognize you and promote you. (Chanel via Facebook)
6. To always tell it like it is (NELCP via Facebook)